We all have heard about the famous saying, “Marriages are made in heaven”! While that sounds poetic and romantic, reality can make you believe in a different philosophy. It’s 2022, and life is tough, which also includes marriage. Gone are the days when one person was said to compromise to make the marriage work. Compromise has never been the secret to a happy married life. Eventually, excess compromise makes a person rebel, and the marriage breaks. Hence, it’s best to address the issues in your marriage at the early stages, resolve them through marriage counseling, and live happily.
Are more couples choosing marriage counseling?
The answer is yes, and that is a recent development.
Marriage counseling has been there for a decade. But most couples refrained from opting for one because they felt ashamed to share the conflicts they witnessed in their marriage. Correct marriage counselling only takes place when both partners reveal their dark side to the relationship coach for him or her to share the best suggestion. No one finds it easy to bare their soul. They often feel intimidated to throw light on the dark sides of their character that they refuse to own.
Today, the leading relationship and marriage counselling experts suggest that there is no shame in admitting one’s flaws and errors. It’s because no one is perfect. That aside, most of us had challenging childhood experiences, which might give rise to specific patterns that can prove negative or detrimental to a commitment. Until someone throws light on it and you decide to work on it consciously, you will continue to have a bad marriage. You can browse through Ray of Solace to get the best counseling help for your troubled marriage.
Behavior patterns that ruin a happy marriage
There can be many issues that hamper a happy marriage. Some of the crucial ones that you need to be aware of are:
1. Feelings of extreme possessiveness and jealousy
A fair amount of jealousy and possessiveness does add a spark to your bond! But when it is in extremes, it can wreak havoc. Usually, a person with extreme jealousy or possessiveness has deep inner-child issues that need to be healed. It could be as a child, they didn’t get the time and warmth from their parents and find it challenging when their partner shifts the attention from them and give it to anyone else or anything else. It is necessary for partners to understand that life has various pursuits, and it is only natural for a person to give attention to the things to which they are attached. This realization can free a person from extreme jealousy and possessiveness. It will also curb down their obsessive behavior.
2. Choosing work over everything else
Our professional world gives us our identity and financial stability. It’s necessary that you give it importance and be committed to developing the skills that will make you more productive. But if in a relationship, you are always obsessed with work and don’t give space for connecting deeply with your partner, it will bring incompatibility at all levels. Forgetting birthdays and important dates at times are natural, and one can make amends for that. However, becoming distant with every passing day to excel in work and compensate the absence with material gifts will eventually make a relationship stale, boring, and one that has no chemistry. The solution here is to strike a balance between work and relationship and keep making the necessary changes.
3. Managing expectations
It is one of the principal reasons for why marriages break! Both partners have unrealistic expectations from each other, and that leads to disappointment. Most people think that when they get a partner, they can rely on them for every single aspect of their lives, so they start to overburden the person. It is necessary to understand that a person who comes into your life is a separate entity and has their choices. They would want to lead their life in a way and also want to be with you. Expecting too much from them can add pressure to the bond and will eventually make things toxic and bitter.
Finally, other issues like extreme anger, nonchalance, lack of physical chemistry, long-distance, trust issues, and many others can create problems in your marriage. The root cause of each problem is different. While for some partners, it’s their unresolved childhood memories and trauma, for others, it could be not being able to multi-task or being anxious in general. Not working on the issues will keep creating tremors in the bond, leading to bitterness and a lack of empathy. On the other hand, if you allow a third person to intervene for your betterment and choose marriage counseling, you can save your bond and live happily. Even if you both decide to stay apart for a while or forever, it will be for the highest good of all.