Once you’re attracted to and interested in dating women, talking to one can be quite daunting. We’ve all had a moment while at a bar or even a coffee shop where you see a woman you really want to talk to. However, exactly how do you do it? I’ve pondered simply being direct and introducing myself, indicating I’ve been female for 23+ years and I’ve started dating for the last 8 years with both men and women. I’m still re-working my script, however, I’ll now dive into a couple of things that have worked well. Some of these tips have worked really well for me and they were how I started talking to my present boyfriend. If any of this comes off as condescending or offensive, make sure to let me know and I’ll change it accordingly.
Appear as non-threatening as possible. This can seem difficult and even challenging according to the situation. Additionally, it can easily become racist, so I’ll strive to avoid sounding as though I’m preaching. You should start by having a softer expression on your face as well as soften your body language. Be polite and make sure you’re wearing clothes in good condition without any stains or tears unless you’re in outdoor work clothing. Now, you don’t need to be wearing the latest brands, all you need to ensure is that your clothes are clean and in good condition which will indicate that you take pride in your image. When you show that you care about how you look, this attracts positive attention.
As you approach, you should ensure that the woman always has an easy exit available to her at all times. No one wants to feel trapped and if you do make her feel this way, she will feel intimidated. So, for example, if you want to talk to a particular woman sitting in a coffee shop, make sure that you approach her where she can easily see you approaching, i.e. within her sight. Make sure that you stay at least 2 feet away from her and position yourself behind the chair that is opposite to her. This will make her feel more secure and that she has sufficient space to leave if she wants to.
Next, you should attempt to draw her attention by politely saying hello or excuse me. Make sure you don’t talk loudly or touch her or her belongings. Once you have her attention, you should give her a compliment but it should be non-sexual in nature. For example, you can give her a compliment on an item she has with her and simply ask a question about it. A good example of this is if she is reading a particular book you can ask her about the book and her thoughts on it. If she is using her laptop and it has an interesting sticker, you can ask her where she got it or what it means. Avoid talking about any part of her body and don’t use words such as beautiful, sexy, pretty etc. These words are creepy when they are used in a first encounter. If you still want to talk about her appearance, refer to an obvious or very noticeable detail. For example, her hair, her glasses etc. It is helpful to indicate that talking to strangers is difficult by indicating that you don’t mean to be awkward or bothersome.
Look closely at her reaction. Once you initiate conversation and she replies using one word, leans away from you or tries to avoid eye contact, these are clear signals that she isn’t interested in talking to you. Remember, this doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, all it means is that she doesn’t want to talk to you right now. You should be respectful and simply wish her well and move on. Avoid looking at her or trying to talk to her even further. Avoid pursuing her in any fashion and definitely don’t send her any drinks if you’re at a bar or restaurant.
However, if she does make eye contact, stops what she is doing, smiles at you and engages in the conversation, then she is interested in talking to you. However, before you sit down next to her, make sure that you ask permission first. For example, you can ask if you can join her, or if you may sit with her. If she says no, then simply leave her alone. However, if she indicates that you can sit, then do so and continue talking to her. While talking to her, stick to light topics such as movies, books, events etc. Of course, you can dive into deeper subjects if they relate to a particular book she is reading, her belongings or if she leads the conversation in that manner.
You should continue talking to her for about 10 minutes and then choose to either graciously leave or continue talking. You can easily exit by letting her know that you have a previous engagement to attend to such as seeing a friend, walking your dog etc. However, before you leave, make sure that you give her your number or business card and let her know that you really enjoyed talking to her. Let her know that you’re interested in talking to her more.
On the other hand, if you decide that you want to stay and you’re about to finish your drink or food, indicate that you’re going to get another drink or food item and ask her if she would also like one. Don’t ask her if you can purchase a drink for her since this may appear like a contract to many women. This can make it seem as though she has to give you something in return for the drink and this is something you should avoid making her feel once you’re a good person.
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